people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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