so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize