sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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