I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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