This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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