so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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