After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
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