Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
