Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
how drunk are you?
Several
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
