Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Randomize
