You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Randomize
