Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
