is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
