Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
