How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
