I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Randomize
