Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
