I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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