I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Randomize