You're my little dorito
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
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