i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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