why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
