I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
