Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize