Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
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