I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
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