atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
