Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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