Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
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