Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
