Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
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