It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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