the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
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