I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
