I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
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