Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
