your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Randomize