Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
