Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
