I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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