I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
