So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
