i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
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