Pregnant stripper...not hot.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Randomize
