I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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