I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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