No awkward lesbian experiences without me
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Randomize
