So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
