I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
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