my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Randomize
