you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
