Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
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