I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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