I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
