We need to rekindle our bromance
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
why is half of my head shaved?
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