Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Randomize
