I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
