He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Randomize
