I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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