I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
