Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
